I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
