it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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