so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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