Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
