Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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