Porn is love you can see.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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