I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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