i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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