Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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