at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize