my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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