The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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