Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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