just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
