i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
