i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
