How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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