everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
