Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
