OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
