I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
True strength comes from lack of pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
