he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
