That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
