We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's always time for handjobs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
