You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
