your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
