you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize