are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize