apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
