Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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