that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
