Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
