I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize