I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
