im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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