I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
