i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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