He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
