Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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