I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
and you fell through a lawn chair
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
