My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
