can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
