I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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