carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
