If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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