Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
