sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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