How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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