I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
