I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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