I just saw a hot homeless man
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
