well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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