everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
