you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize