I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
