I seem to have left my pride at pride
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
