somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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