I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ttyl tear gas
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
jump out the window naked night went bad
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize