It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
