I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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