it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize