I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've blown a few things in my day
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
