I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
