I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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