Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
