i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
