You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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