you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
