I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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