I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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