The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
