sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
