Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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