booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
