I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
