No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
