There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
