Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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