He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
