if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
