So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
