Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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