No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
