He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize