I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
