I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
