Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
