Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
