WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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