You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
