Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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