hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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