hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
